The very last...

A little more than a year ago, I posted last here, my most prized and guarded journal. A journal which I hardly advertised and never intended for audiences. Harken back to my first entry for understanding...

In July of 2009, I was in desperate pursuit of one person's heart. The post, called "The Wheelhouse", was about that pursuit. It was at that time that the woman and I were heading toward each other again, in what I thought was the final act of my single life.

We came together, and shared amazing times together,that will always stand in honor in my mind and heart.

in any case, we parted ways.

Here I am, little more than a year later, and single.

I am ok with that, and have been filling my life with enjoyment, and positivity, regardless of the emotional strain i feel.

I am looking to the future, albeit a different future than I envisioned a year ago...

My aim is ture and centered, not on the woman, but on the notion of a woman, with whom i can share my life...the things I want in a woman, being the focus...and not the woman, I thought had filled them.

I am always looking to the West for guidance.

The Wheelhouse.

Seeing that his true course was behind him, slowly, the bow turned to port and the captain steamed in the direction from which he came.

As the ship came about, he could see the subdued purple of the dawn creeping over the horizon.

When the sun finally peaked up over the edge of the Earth, a brilliant shaft of orange red light lit up the sky.

O! What a Heavenly light!

Onward the vessel steamed, into the broadening day, onward toward his long home, onward.

Summer Programming

I wake up.

I can't open my eyes.

I have the sensation of being jostled slightly, but I can't turn my head to see what is moving me. Wouldn't matter anyway, I can't open my eyes.

I try to shift my weight on what I think is a bed, but my wrists and ankles are bound by something, or someone.

God, I wish I could open my eyes. There is a dull throbbing in my head, and I have an overwhelming urge to rub my eyelids...a dull throb, and slight itch. Why are my wrists bound?

Where am I??

"We're almost done here?"

Voices.

Just there, I can hear them.

"Yes, very nearly. Less than five."

...and again! Who is that? Hello?!

I call out, "Who's there?!" I can feel my mouth moving, but only just. My whole face feels slightly numb. I don't hear the voices anymore, but I feel a presence next to my right ear. Was that fabric on a coat?

A slight pinch in my right arm.

I feel myself falling asleep. I've never felt so tired, and relaxed.

Even though I can't see, I have the sensation of 25 pairs of eyes watching me intently.

"Gone in two."

The dagger-like pain shoots through my chest and lungs. I can't breathe, and my chest is burning!


I suddenly have the very desperate desire to break from my binds and leave, but the hands begin to grasp all about my torso, pulling me down.

My eyes are open, now.

"It's done. Time is 12:07"



Oh God, I wish I could close my eyes.

The Pink Mist

Edited.

I wish I could wake up and it be January 1st, all over again.

Progression: A Series of Thought IV

I am not sure.

Progression: A Series of Thought III

I am not.